The past few months I have caught myself being a mom that is frustrating and raising my voice at the boys to get them to obey. We spend a lot of time trying to train them to “obey the first time with a happy heart” and it is very frustrating when Jake obeys in action but then proceeds to whine or cry while “obeying.” You see we define obedience as the complete act “obey the first time with a happy heart” not just action. Life has also gotten interested as Judd is really starting to test us and we are training him to obey also. Yes, many days I feel like I am correcting them all day whether it is their actions or their attitude, (their heart).
I have prayed that God would show me areas specifically how I can be a better mom. He has been answering my prayers more than I would like in one specific area, speaking with grace. The Holy Spirit has convicting me as I yell, fuss, whine, or beg my boys to listen and obey. So yesterday I was praying that my speech would be pleasing to Him and then I read this verse:
Let your speech always be seasoned with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. Col 4:6
I find that I try VERY hard to speak with grace to Jim and even others, but so many times I “lose it” with the boys. I know that more hurtful words are spoken when I am angry or frustrated than at any other time. I don’t feel that my words are nearly as hurtful as the tone in which I speak. Many times see my tone and reactions imitated through Jake when he is trying to communicate with Judd. This is when the Holy Spirit gently nudges my heart and reminds me that if I want my children to know Jesus, I must be Jesus to them. I must speak gently to them, but in order to do that I need to spend more time with Him. I need to be closer to Him so that I will know how He would respond.
As a child of God and a mother to two precious boys (soon to be girl), I want this verse to represent me and the way I speak to our children:
“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26
Here are a few things to remember when I feel frustrated:
1. wait. Cool off before I speak. This will give me time to think rather than react. I must remember that I will most often react with words that are from my old nature than my new life in Christ.
2. speak softly. Frustration and anger is fed by an increase in volume. I want to speak softly and take down barriers.
3. Ask God to help when the temperature begins to rise. He alone can change me.
I pray that He will keep me sensitive in this area. I want our home to be a haven for our children as well as my husband.
I found this quote and I thought I would share it:
In every conversation we choose whether we are going to
- affirm the positive or dwell on the negative
- spotlight the growth or the weakness
- celebrate the victories or rehash the failures
- encourage (give courage to another) or discourage (take courage from another)
- think the worst or assume the best
- draw them to Christ or push them away
- And what we choose will make a difference in someone’s life. . . . one way or another.
I want to begin now setting healthy patterns of communication children. If I am not their primary source of encouragement to, who is going to encourage them?
We only have a few more weeks before Baby Girl joins us. I want to cherish each day since these are the last days that I will have with just “the boys.”