Dear Judd,

Happy Birthday Precious Boy! It is hard to believe you are turning none years old today!

I thank God for you and I will be forever grateful that God chose me to be your mom. My second boy. My baby boy. What a blessing! You are all boy! Active, dirty, smelly, but so loving and king-hearted. You still think girls are gross. At nine years old, your love for sports is really developing. I love watching you play football, basketball and baseball. It seems that you love all sports.

It melts my heart when you hold the door open for me or offer t help me when I am in the middle of something. Some young woman will be lucky to have you someday (but until then you are all mine)!

Judd, I am so proud of the young man you are becoming. I am excited to see what the future homes for you. I pray that you always stay true to yourself, are willing to catch your dreams (even when it requires a lot of hard work), always act like a gentleman, keep your sense of humor and never forget how much you are loved. God has a special plan for you. Stay close to Him and have a clean heart. Pursue HIs plans and ways. You are truly a special, unique and amazing person. We are praying for you always!

I looked up the word manic because I wasn’t exactly sure of it’s meaning, and it turns out that’s not really the kind of Monday we had. Perhaps that would have been a better title? Just another nostalgic Monday. Although that wouldn’t really sum up our Monday either.

Today was just one of those days, if I’m being honest, where I thought “perhaps 5 is too many.” Do you ever have those days? Well, I guess this only applies if you have 5 (or more!) children. And I know it’s not true, I know that God’s grace is sufficient, and I can handle this season, but today that knowledge didn’t seem to stop the thoughts: TOO MUCH.  It doesn’t matter how many children you have, being a Mama is HARD and challenging and we all have those days.

Let’s just say the eldest child has been wanting things his way.

Of course, I’m no different. I’m just not 10.

I just want kids that don’t fight, babies that don’t cry but do nap, children that play quietly, dinners that make themselves and while I’m at it, no wrinkles. I WANT WHAT I WANT. But, every one of these things is unrealistic. My kids argue, my baby cries and screams through naps, children run through the house screaming, I must make dinner if we don’t want to starve and wrinkles are inevitable. Oh, the unfairness of it all.

I think that the main thing I have learned since having five is that I’m lazy and just want an EASY LIFE. I don’t want to stop what I’m doing  to correct my children and break up an argument. I don’t want to take twenty minutes out of my day to rock my baby, I want her to fall asleep without screaming just like she does for her daddy. I want to talk on the phone with my Mom or a friend without hearing “MOM!” a dozen times. I don’t want to have to flush the toilet EVERY TIME I walk into a bathroom in this house.

And I’ll get all these things, in a different season. Not now. So for now, I press on. I fight the good fight. Sometimes parenting is a fight, isn’t it? It’s a fight against laziness and ease and selfishness and ME ME ME. I’m learning. I’m pressing.

At the end of the day, with the ones I love most gathered smiling around the dinner table, I am thankful. I am thankful for small victories: a load of laundry, a homemade dinner, books read to my kids as the afternoon fades. I am thankful that I am allowed to live this life, and get a glimpse of His glory and love in these sweet little faces that call me Mama. I am thankful for the work that it does on my heart, and for the countless ways that being a Mom makes me cling more to Him. How else could I learn these things?

And perhaps most of all, I am thankful that tomorrow is another day.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34